Tag: Student Ministry

12

One of the worst things a Youth Pastor can do

Ignore your audience.  Plain and Simple, ignore your audience and ultimately you'll have no audience.

Your Audience is more than the students showing up, it's also the students you want to reach!

How does that play itself out:

• Ignoring conversations = missing opportunities to get to know your audience
• Being uninformed of where they're at (culturally, emotionally, socially, etc.) - it prevents  you from "connecting" as you communicate.
• Having an agenda that's not rooted in their needs but in your plan for their growth.
• Just flat out don't pay attention to them - VERY common. So often as you try to accomplish things, you'll be challenged to not just flat out ignore your audience as you pursue those goals.

Some things I wanted to say to those leaders that ignored me as I sat in their care: (I use these today as reminders for me)

• "You do know I'm sitting right here right?"
• "stop talking about yourself while you ignore everyone else, I need help and that's what you say you're here for."
• "Stop ignoring the people you're supposed to be connecting with."
• "I recognize that you can't personally connect with all of us...so don't try.  But if you are going to try, at least listen to what I say as I answer the questions YOU ASKED ME!"
• "If you look over my head one more time, I'm walking away."
• "You have NO IDEA what it feels like to be me, it's ok to say that.  But don't try to connect the dots on something that has no legitimate connection to my life."

Side Note: I was and still am a pretty critical listener/thinker/judge.

Some ways to pay attention to your audience:

• Create at least one relationship with every sector of society in your group.  (challenging but will enable you to connect with where they are as you communicate.)
• Read their blogs/facebook statuses, profiles, and notes,
• Ask them worldview defining questions (What do you think about ________?)
• Read up on Youth Culture - this is one of my favorite things to do.  (If the only time you read this stuff is preparing for a message or looking for the latest statistics to add 'shock value' to your communication, you're missing a HUGE component of connective tissue between the gospel and real life.)
• Lead a small group made up of those you intend to connect/communicate with.
• Be involved in their life when you're not communicating with them.  (The question I ask myself is: "do they see me and get to interact with me when I'm not on the stage or trying to communicate something to them?"
• Build awareness.  Help other leaders understanding the Audience so they can be effective also in reaching those you personally cant.

THIS APPLIES TO LARGE GROUP GATHERS, SMALL GROUPS, 1-ON-1 MENTORING/COACHING, PARENTING, ETC.. I could write on this forever, but I'm sure nobody wants to read my book on this right now, SO, I'm done. (ok one more thing:  Me being 'done' writing is an example of a way to know my audience, I COULD assume you'll just keep reading until I decide to be done writing or I could know that you've actually already checked-out before this point and likely aren't even reading what I'm writing right now.  SO, since the latter might be true, I will call all of you "cotton-headed-ninny-muggins" and say Merry Christmas!  If you did make it this far that quote is from the movie Elf - aka the greatest Christmas movie of all times!)

0

Love this from Doug Fields on Thankfuless

These are brilliant!

1. THANKFULNESS RE-FOCUSES MY PERSPECTIVE

It’s easy to complain and point out problems, no one ever grumbles their way into a better attitude. Fortunately thankfulness can shift our focus to the blessings we’ve received from God. No matter how bad things get, in Jesus there is always reason to be thankful. It’s our responsibility to receive God’s gift and thank him.

2. THANKFULNESS INCREASES MY HUMILITY

Every blessing in our lives is a gift from God and not something we could have created or earned on our own. Everything belongs to God, and the only way we “have” something is because of his generosity. Because of the numerous blessings received, it’s easy for a feeling of entitlement to slowly creep into our lives and darken our hearts. Thankfulness turns on the light and recognizes God as the provider for our needs.

3. THANKFULNESS BUILDS MY FAITH

Gratitude recognizes the past work of God in our lives. When we remember God’s faithfulness, we position our hearts to trust him to provide for our future. God has given us everything we’ve needed, and he will continue to give us what we need. Developing the habit of being thankful also creates the capacity to trust God during the lean times.

Got these from his Newsletter.  If you do Student Ministry you should really check this out!

0

Formula for communicating better with your kids

Naomi Aldort wrote a book called "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" that's pretty good so far!   In it she talks about this formula that's intended to help you communicate better with your kids.  I liked the idea of it and thought it was worth posting for people looking for some other approaches to communicate with their kids. Personally I feel like I'll be a little more hard-nosed than this but I love hearing different approaches because what I THINK I'm going to do may not work AT ALL when the time comes!!! hahaha...then I may try this! lol Everybody parents differently but I hope this is helpful if you're struggling communicating.  Kids in 2010 are different than they were in 1980's & 1990's so having a good arsenal is a good idea.

S – “Separate yourself from your child’s behavior and emotions with a Silent Self-talk. This is the hardest step; once you can do it, the rest flows easily. Notice that when your child’s action elicits your reaction, your mind puts words into your mouth. … To avoid hurting your child, read the words on the automatic window silently in your head.” A –“Attention on your child. When you have silently investigated the conversation inside your head (which has nothing to do with your child), shift your attention from yourself and your inner monologue to your child.” L – “Listen to what your child is saying or to what his actions may be indicating; then listen some more. Make eye contact with your child and ask questions that would provide him with an opportunity to speak some more, or if the child expresses himself non-verbally, to let him know that you understand” V – “Valídate your child’s feelings and the needs he expresses without dramatizing and without adding your own perception.” E – “Empower your child to resolve his own upset by getting out of his way and trusting him. Show confidence in his resourcefulness by not getting all wound up and by not rushing to fix everything.” In the situation where your son has come to you upset because his sister won't share a toy with him, the SALVE formula might work like this: S - You think "I'm so tired of your fighting!" but you don't say this. A - You look at your son. L - You listen and summarize, "You asked to play with her zoo animals but she said no." V - You validate his feelings, "You're mad because you can't play with the zoo animals right now." E - You let him decide on what to do next.

I haven't read the whole book (I went looking specifically for this content) but even if it's just for that this book is probably worth buying.  If interested you can buy it here.

4

How to keep your edge in Student Ministry

I had 4 conversations last week that got me thinking about how to encourage Student Ministry leaders who are caught in the middle of the "I want to see results" & the "but we can't compete with Pop Culture" battle.  All of these conversations made my mind instantly reflect on the uphill battle we fight against Youth Culture at times.  Seems like the Church is always BEHIND/FOLLOWING Youth Culture rather than creating Youth Culture that students can adopt.  And at times, that has proven discouraging for some.  (Personally, it is for me at times)

Here are some ways you can keep an edge in this profession known as Student Ministry:

1. Always be Learning something new! This is more than "being current" on what's going on around you.  What new technology, skill, principle can you be sharpening that God can bless.  What passage of Scripture have you heard 10,000 times that God wants to make new TODAY?!!
2. Work harder than everyone else. When you're working...WORK HARD!  I'm all in favor of a good "brain-break", "vacation", "day-off", "Sabbath" but when you're in the office, GET IT DONE!!!
3. Find some finishers. Seek out people who are willing to go the extra mile NOT just "get it done".  Personally those people make me want to...........on to the next bullet.
4. Harness a nothing to lose attitude. Sounds reckless huh?  Well in nature it is, but in principle it's exactly what's needed to keep the edge on emerging culture.
5. Put up OR .......... (You probably know the rest).  Either start producing/creating or rest in the sweet fate that you'll be what you've always been...You have to judge whether that's good or bad.
6. Do the hard work of follow-up. I'm as guilty as any in this field but follow up on everything!  If you want something done, see to it that it gets done, even if it's "handed off".  Especially if it's mission critical.

Here are some ways I do these around GSM (Granger Student Ministry):

1. I read a BOAT LOAD of youth culture blogs, articles, ebooks, psychology.
2. Making sure that I'm the hardest worker on the team. I'm constantly keeping the vision of what I'm processing out in front of my team so they know where I'm at.  Speed of the leader speed of the team!
3. I built a team of finishers along the way. Hiring some and retraining/re-calibrating others.
4. I "go for broke". I was hired to do anything short of sin to reach this generation for Christ...and that's exactly what I do! There's no need to hold anything back.  I have an "all-in" attitude.
5. Start GETTING STUFF DONE! We made lots of foundation, structural, and organizational changes that started instantly produces the kind of fruit we were looking for.
6. I have help with this one. I have some people specially gifted in this area to help me push along any of the things that have to come from me that I can't get done on my own.  Katie, my assistant, is the primary player in this role...she can flat out get stuff done!

Lastly, I do all of that while maintaining that people matter more than job descriptions, functions, and roles.  If you're so focussed on "keeping your edge" that you lose your team or lose the trust of your supervisors or volunteers...YOU'VE FAILED!

0

Don’t say -When I was your age- with your kids

Kara Powell is one of the brilliant minds leading student culture thoughts/leadership in our country.  She posted this a bit ago but I just go around to passing it along to you guys.  These are great insights for parents, youth workers, teachings, or ANYONE who works with students.  Sounds simple but I find myself saying it all the time and then I catch myself after.

“When I was your age…” I’m guessing all of us have said that to a teenager or emerging adult we know.  An article two days ago in the Wall Street Journal suggests that might not be the best approach to take these days. Here are some excerpts from the article I found particularly interesting: “Eighty-two percent of those ages 18 to 29 (and 79% of those 30 to 74) believe there is ‘a generation gap’ in America, according to a Pew Research Center poll last year. The gap was defined as ‘a major difference in the point of view of younger and older people today.’ That’s up from 60% of Americans in a similar poll in 1979, and it’s even higher than the 74% registered in a 1969 poll, taken at the height of the youth-rebellion movement. Back then, political and social issues created the gap between baby boomers and their parents. Today’s youth cite generational differences in ‘perspective,’ ‘work ethic’ and ‘technology’—which helps explain their reservations about their elders’ input.” Here are some practical tips from teens and young adults on how to talk with them:

• Question your assumptions: What worked in your youth might have little relevance today.
• Offer suggestions, not pronouncements: Say ‘you could’ not ‘you should.’
• Welcome a dialogue: Listen, don’t lecture; you’ll learn things and give better advice.
• Resist saying: ‘When I was young…’
• Don’t belittle technology: If you’re critical of social media, young people may dismiss you as a dinosaur.
• Accept your limitations: The young understand the world today. Sometimes, the best advice is: ‘Trust your instincts.

At FYI, we are very committed to exploring intergenerational ministry and relationships; we continue to see its importance in our research.  This article reminds us all that we need to be aware of how we sound to the ears of young people

ORIGINAL POST HERE.  If you like this you might want to sign up for the Fuller Youth Institute Blog. They're always bringing the goodness.

0

3 Types of Parenting

Student/Family Ministry is a HUGE undertaking and shouldn't be entered into lightly as the stake are towering!  With that said, from time to time it's great to think about how we lead students & the leaders of the students. Here's a great article on parenting that applies to Student Ministry:

"There are basically three styles of parenting. They are: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. Authoritarian parenting is when you find a need to be in control. Parents who are authoritarian tend to be strict and rigid. There is little room for error and typically don't allow children to question them. In other words, there is no democracy in this type of setting. Permissive parenting is when control has been handed over to the children. They get to make their own decisions with very little input from the parents. There are no set boundaries and even when the child does something wrong there is little, if any, consequence to their actions. Authoritative parenting is a balance between the other two styles. Children have expectations but they are also given reasons for why those expectations are in place. They are taught to take personal responsibility for their actions but may face consequences for wrong choices. Which style sounds more like you? Think about how you're teen feels about your parenting style. If you are authoritarian they may be afraid to tell you things. Don't we want our teens to open up to us? They may feel like their lives are so controlled that the first moment they can break free, they are going to do it with a vengeance. If you are permissive, your teens may feel afraid. They are given too much freedom and although it may appear they enjoy it, deep down inside they are not mature enough to handle that. They may also feel that you don't really care as a parent. A teen with an authoritative parent probably feels secure and comfortable in their world. They know that there are rules and expectations and they understand why they are in place. They may not always agree with them but they at least know what to expect. They appreciate being able to make some of their own choices and learning from their own mistakes. Yet they also appreciate that their parents are a soft place to land when their world crumbles. Take some time to really think about your parenting style. Are there any changes you would like to make?"

Hope this helps you lead better and coach leaders better. (article from varying sources. You can google "3 types of parenting" to find a few)

1

If you get teens you...

As far as student ministry is concerned, this should inform how we lead small groups, coach leaders, & interact with students when we see them! It's no myth that a large percentage of people who lead students (teachers, youth pastors, etc.) default to "giving special privileges" to students thinking that will help them see their value but this research proves just "listening" to them is 41% more effective.

1

Helpful thoughts on Fall Ministry Launch

Summers over, now it's time to ramp up and launch our school year program.  Here are some ways we try to kick off the school year.  (Some of these are spoken amongst staff but most of these are just built into the DNA of how to do ministry)

• Start with a bang! Whatever a "bang" is for you may look different than what we do but find what will be a big hit with your students and give it a shot.  The "bang" may be a new spiritual concept, literally fireworks/explosions, something funny, tons of bounce houses & a party feel, really anything out of the ordinary will do.  This will add excitement to the night. We've done all of the above before.

• Push Momentum generators. This is a great time to push what your focus for the fall/school year will be or whatever builds momentum in your group.  Our students love each other so we push Small Groups HARD the first three weeks.

• Have all your ducks in a row. I think this is more important in high school than in middle school (we all know middle schoolers love things more when the ducks are NOT in a row, haha).  In my experience some high schoolers are looking for a reason to discount the church as "not relevant to their life" or "just a knock-off of pop culture" and if there is a lack of excellence this opens that door for them...NOT TO MENTION GOD DESERVES OUR BEST!  (Also note: You have to define excellence for your context, don't judge it off of another church, it must be contextualized.)

• Meet the minimum expectations THEN EXCEED THEM. This one sounds odd at first but most students come to our ministries with a bare minimum expectation of what could/should happen.  Some minimum expectations are things like:  We will read/open/hear about the Bible, Jesus' name will probably be used, someone will pray, there might be music, someone will likely talk to us, I'll have opportunities to spend with my friends. So we try to meet those bare minimums every week (because they're good ones) AND THEN completely exceed them by trying to constant "redefine church/youth group".  This is especially important considering during the launch phase there are usually lots of new students. (Comment if you want me to write more on this topic).

• Don't forget the graduating classes. You'll likely have students in middle school who weren't previously in middle school (5th graders) and the same thing with high school (9th graders).  For us this informs what type of language, inside jokes, illustrations we use.  It's helpful to get new students caught up to speed on how you do things.  Inside jokes are great...unless you're on the outside so spending some time thinking through these things helps everyone feel included.  (Side tangent:  I also want to mention, there are times when inside jokes are VERY effective at building momentum even if people don't know them.  It provides an opportunity to say, "you'll know what we mean after [insert event name].  I love doing this around camps, retreats, mission trips...it builds awareness and curiosity that will draw people in.)

• Have fun. I was talking with a youth pastor from Texas on the phone a few weeks ago (he said I could share this) and he was so nervous about "making a good first impression" on the new students.  He wanted everything to be just right because "we only have one shot at some of these students and I don't want to miss out on reaching them".  These concerns are LEGIT and are definitely to be taken into consideration but I told him "don't forget to have fun".  Sure there is a GIGANTIC burden for those in Student Ministry to reach EVERY STUDENT POSSIBLE for Christ, but lets not forget where our strength comes from.  "Greater is he who is in us, than he who is in the world" ...HAVE FUN DURING THIS LAUNCH PHASE.  The enemy wants us to be uptight and afraid but WE WIN, so the devil can eat it!

2

What kind of Student Ministry Leader are you?

(Photo from Mark Beeson at Camp this past summer! Picture doesn't say anything about these leaders it's just a great photo!)

I've found that there are generally several types of Student Ministry Leaders when it comes to interacting with students.  Which one/ones are you?

• Pleaser: Tells students what they want to hear so they "like you".
• Truth-Teller: Tell students what they need to hear, with tact, regardless of how they'll respond.
• Passive: Refuse to say anything to a student that might rub them the wrong way.
• Harsh: Brutally honest/upfront with no tact.
• Overzealous: TMI too fast. Usually push too hard.
• Catcher: Always looking for ways to catch a student doing something wrong.
• Avoider: Prefer to stay away from direct contact with students.
• Open...but not too much: Hopes no students ask them any "deep" or "personal" questions about Faith
• Diver: Dive right in to whatever conversation is present.

Are there any that I'm missing?

0

"Age Compression" is old news

(I keep hearing, "She'll be grown-up before you know it".  My internal response, "shut it, let me enjoy every moment until then".  In case your wondering, my outward response, I just smile.)

Everyone knows that students are "growing older younger" but not everyone knows  this is called "Age Compression".  Not that it really matters what it's called but the phrase helps me understand what's actually happening.  The age gap is being compressed...by culture, parenting, & social norms (in my opinion).  Students in 6th grade are thinking & interacting like 8th graders were 2 years ago.  8 graders are living like 10th & 11th graders lived 2 years ago, etc. I feel like I hear SO many people saying "I can't believe what these kids are into at such a young age" or "it amazes me how fast kids are growing up these days"...and I think to myself "You can't believe it, look around!"  EVERYTHING we see is feeding this and sometime 'we' feed this.  We expect students to 'act' like adults, or more mature, in certain areas of their life (i.e. the spiritual journey) YET when they do it in other areas (ie. their social life) 'we're shocked'.  Seems odd to me. Besides that, why does it surprise us that we have an Enemy (the Devil) who wants to derail our children at a younger age?  As parents, teachers, and church leaders step our game up, the Devil is stepping his game up too...that shouldn't surprise us!  Every opponent prepares to defeat their competition...even if our opponent can NEVER win unless we let him. Let me also say, I'm not sold on the conservative idea that this "age compression" is an overtly "bad thing" and I also don't know that it's a "good thing" either, I just merely accept that it IS the way things are, and do ministry accordingly.  It's more impactful to do ministry according to what 'is', not what 'was'...then press people and cast a compelling vision for what 'could be'. (Just my opinion) While it may not be important for us to know the actual name of this phenomenon I believe it is important for us Student Ministry folks and Children's Ministry folks to know what's happening.  I know it's been a tradition of the church to deny reality and assume things aren't the way that they are....but this is something that is worth understanding.  It will really help us move the ball down the field further faster and potentially reach more of this generation. One of the stigma's I find in the high schools is that some students 'feel' like the church is out of touch with their reality.  Whether the church they attended/attend is or is not doesn't matter because students respond to what they 'feel' not necessarily what is. So one of the ways to bust that barrier is find ways to show them we understand their reality and then help them see what God's Word has to say about that reality.  Proving to them week after week that the Word of God is a Truth that cannot be contained to a certain period of time.  Jesus is just as alive today as he was the days He walked the earth and the day He rose from the dead.  His word is just as powerful as it has always been. So what are you doing in your ministry to unlock the code on how to reach, speak to, inspire, and empower a generation that is "growing older younger"?